Thanksgiving - Full Heart / Empty Heart

First of all, let me say that I know I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm trying, really. In fact, most people that know me seem to think I'm a bit too much 'Pollyanna' sometimes. But this year, for the very first time, it was awful. We had a great meal, probably the best tasting turkey in years thanks to my husband, and all the trimmings. We had a friend over who wound up with no place to go so that felt good. And we had light, festive conversation around the table. But afterward, I experienced so much pain, it felt almost physical. Now, we've been a military family since we were married. We've moved very often and almost never spent Holidays with extended family. I was always okay with that and just concentrated on my own family and usually a few friends. I never cared much and didn't think it affected me. But yikes, this year was different.

My oldest son has been married for several years and lives in Alabama with his wife, daughter and BRAND new son (Hi Braden!). My daughter lived in FL for several years and for the last two Thanksgivings has been here in Colorado with us. My middle son just started college in Alabama this year and is in the same town as his older brother. My two 'babies' at home are in High School and will graduate next year and the year after that. I don't know what combination of events created this emotional upheaval this year. I know it's been very painful that I haven't met my new grandson yet. I've been trying to get an airline ticket since he was born. But each time I found a good offer, my husband would be having a bad time and ask me to stay. Jeff is disabled now and depends on me to take care of all the driving and etc for the family. This was also Thomas' first major Holiday away from home. . . .

I am so proud of my oldest son and his wife that it's probably almost sinful. Ken and Jamey are such great people. They are awesome parents. Ken works extra hard so that Jamey can stay at home with the children full-time and Jamey is such an awesome mom I can't put it into words. They are doing what they need to be doing and doing it so well. I know they are where they are supposed to be and I'm so happy for them.

I'm proud of my middle son Thomas also. He worked very hard to get into college and ended up with TWO sports scholarships. He is doing well in school and I know he is doing what he should and is where he needs to be.

In the past, that would have been enough; to know that they were where they needed to be and happy and healthy. But not this year. Why? I don't really know. I just know that my heart actually hurt each time I thought about them. Empty nest? If this is the beginning, I don't think I'll survive this road. Age? Hormones? I don't really know. But I know that sometimes feelings don't matter, and you have to keep doing what you know you need to do. So if you've survived empty nest (and I still have two at home!) and have some advice, I'm listening . . . . and to my parents who have passed on, "I'm sorry". I really had no idea how much it must have hurt you when I took your grandson to Italy. . . . . when I didn't make it home for Holidays at least once in a while, and I wish I could hug you both now.

Kat